December 23rd, 2011, 4:40 am

page 245

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August 20th, 2017, 4:08 pm

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December 30th, 2011, 3:20 am

I kind of felt like bits of this scene were missing... at first I didn't get what Blake was talking about (throwing the party) and here Janey responds like he said he didn't care about anybody, while the previous page just implies that he's a bit closed off, which is a lot less strong.
But maybe that's just me. Anyway, just saying, because I like the content of the scene (:

December 30th, 2011, 4:33 am

Thanks!

@Spacepegasus Not at all, thanks for the criticism! I can see what you mean- I had real trouble trying to convey this conversation in the first place. I think there is a bit missing! Because originally Blake was going to say something like 'why do we surround our selves with people - people we don't even care about' which would link up with what Janey is saying, but I decided to cut the Line short to make it more precise. however I should have and didn't think about how that would link to what Janey says as well!

If I can, I will try and change what she says a little and reupload! Thanks for the advice this was helpful :))

January 5th, 2012, 3:06 am

@3o-s-knight Glad that it was helpful, I always feel a little apprehensive about offering critique on the interwebs xD But yeah, dialogue is tricky like that (and that's what makes it so much fun IMO anyway)

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